Growth & Personal Development PT 1

A year ago, I was sat at my desk thinking: "What the hell am I doing?"

Not in a dramatic way. More in a... lost way.

My main client was still brilliant. They'd been my rock since I started. But September rolled around and their workload dropped. They needed me less. And suddenly, I didn't have another client waiting in the wings to fill that gap.

I had time. Space. Possibility.

And honestly? It terrified me.

The Reflection Phase

September 2025 was the month I stopped and actually thought about what I wanted to build.

Not the day-to-day stuff. Not the admin that gets done. The big picture: How do I actually grow this business?

I knew I had one client. One income stream. One person who believed in what I could do.

But one isn't enough.

So I started attending networking events. Free ones, mostly. I'd show up, meet people, have awkward conversations about what I do — and then leave thinking nothing would come of it.

Except Rusty Monkey. Shout out to them, genuinely. That event felt different. People actually listened. There was real conversation happening.

But the rest? I'd leave feeling... deflated. Like I was doing the right thing but getting nowhere.

The Procrastination Spiral

This is the part I'm not proud of, but it's honest:

When the anxiety got too loud — Do I actually know how to grow this? Am I good enough? Will anyone else want to hire me? — I'd go online.

I'd sit in Notion. I'd fiddle with my systems. I'd reorganise spreadsheets. I'd research better tools, better templates, better anything.

It felt productive.

It wasn't.

It was procrastination dressed up as business strategy.

Because here's the thing about systems: they're important. Organisation matters. But no amount of perfect processes is going to get you a client if you're too scared to ask for one.

And I was scared.

I was worried I didn't actually know what I was doing. That I'd got lucky with one client and the rest would see right through me.

So I stayed online. In my safe, organised little corner of the internet.

What I Know Now

A year later, I've got multiple clients. My systems are better (turns out organising them while anxious wasn't a total waste). And I've learnt that September 2025 was exactly what I needed — even though it didn't feel like it.

The worry was real. The anxiety was valid.

But it was also the catalyst.

Because sometimes you need to sit in the discomfort long enough to realise you either have to stay there or do something about it.

I'm still working on confidence. Still have moments where I wonder if I'm doing this right.

But at least now I know I can figure it out.

A Note on Part 1

This is Part 1 for a reason.

Part 2 comes after my main client closes for the season — when I have to actually live what I learnt in September 2025. When the safety net disappears and I find out if I've actually built something sustainable.

That's the real test.